"Elbreth, the liver's not quite right. Please cook it again."
Elbreth froze in fear. This was the first dish he'd cooked for his new employers. He'd only been cooking for a year or so, anyway. He was a "Butler". Adding the "/Cook" was a survival thing. Necessary, in this economy.
"Of-of course, Mr. Gluffwhich. Would you like me to c-cook it again, or maybe get some more liver and cook that?"
"Don't be pedantic with me, now, Elbreth. You can't cook something more to make it better unless it's too raw. Which is rare." Mr. Gluffwhich licked his lips.
"What Charles means to say, is please cook some more liver," Mrs. Gluffwhich smiled, "only this time, cook it right."
Elbreth gulped.
"Of, course. Of course. Th-the thing is I-I think, that is, I believe, we are out of, of well, raw liver. Should I perhaps, go? And get some more from the grocers?"
"OUT OF LIVER!?!" Mr. Gluffwhich guffawed. "Preposterous, Elbreth. We. Always. Have liver. In this house!" Mr. Gluffwhich put his hands to the dining table, pushed off to scoot his chair back, and rose to face his servant.
"Of-f-of course. Of course. I th-thought as much, but, of course, I simple don't, foolishly, I I think I know exactly where to find, or, well, where exactly it is. The liver, that is..." Elbreth was dripping like medium-rare steak.
Mrs. Gluffwhich chuckled as her husband began to traipse, step by labored step, towards Elbreth's sweaty body, "Ha-haah-ohh, Elbreth. Don't be coy! I think you know where to find it, you silly man. Charles, here, will show you where you can always find some liver."
Mr. Gluffwhich smiled so wide it closed his eyes. He reached his left hand gingerly to Elbreth's shoulder and motioned to the kitchen with his open right hand. Elbreth started walking, but Gluffwhich stayed calmly behind. They entered the kitchen single-file. Elbreth peeked over his shoulder repeatedly and, each time, the palm would egg him forward. They finally got to the fridge/freezer combo.
"Open the freezer, Elbreth," Mr. Gluffwhich smiled again without eyes. Elbreth pulled on the large freezer drawer until it slid out. The inside was filled with dozens of vaccuum-sealed bags of at least 8 types of organs. They were labeled, grouped, and alphabetized.
"So there's brain, heart, aaand liver - here is it," Mr. Gluffwhich reached in and pulled out the bag with "LIVER" written on it in fat sharpie. "Now, come to the counter on the island over here, Elbreth, and I'll show you how I want you..." he trailed off a bit.
Gulps again. Elbreth was mesmerized by terror, miserable with doubt, nauseous with awkward.
Mr. Gluffwhich led the way now: walking to the kitchen island, sliding open a knife drawer, pulling out a gorgeous Japanese 8" chef's knife with turquoise in the handle, and plopping the frozen bag of liver on the counter.
"How can you see when you're so far away, Elbreth," Mr. Gluffwhich asked without looking back. Elbreth sighed quickly, tiptoed up next to the man with the knife, and said nothing.
Gluffwhich lurched as Elbreth got close, grabbing the wrist of his servant in a vice grip. Elbreth yelped and tried to run. But he had realized the obvious solution too late. He could only squeal and begin to cry as Mr. Gluffwhich shoved him up against the island and pinned him there.
"Now this is quite enough, Elbreth. Cooperate or I'll be done with you. Now grab the bag of liver." Elbreth hesitated. "GRAB IT, you FOOL!"
Elbreth complied with a helpless whimper that quickly became a terrible moan. Mr. Gluffwhich raised the knife to eye-level. The glare reflected off of the blade and into Elbreth's eyes, making him avert his gaze upward. He felt the man swing the knife down to the counter.
"OOOHHhhh..." shouted Elbreth, but soon he stopped. There was no pain. He looked down slightly, shocked, and found Mr. Gluffwhich puzzling at him. He looked farther down at the counter and saw the knife sticking vertically out of the liver. Elbreth felt woozy.
"Honestly, Elbreth, I don't know what's gotten into you. Now, take the knife and slice the liver while it's still frozen. This is how I like it - perfect, even cooking. Now, try to cook it once more - we'll have the liver as a little after-dinner treat - WON'T WE, CAROLINE?!"
"Yes, of course, dear!" Mrs. Gluffwhich bellowed back from the other room. Elbreth was still speechless and looked desperately pale.
"Come now, Elbreth, one simple task. Surely it's not... too much for you?"
Elbreth briefly found his voice, "...nuhh..."
"Perfect, then," Mr. Gluffwhich walked casually back towards the dining room as Elbreth started to wobble and lose consciousness. Elbreth's legs gave out after a second or two and he collapsed on the ground.
"His heart is so weak, darling," Mrs. Gluffwhich was in the doorway to the kitchen where she now met her husband. "I wonder how long he'll last." They sighed together and looked down at the pale form of their butler/cook on the ground. They walked over to him and released their embrace. Mrs. Gluffwhich bent over and grabbed Elbreth's ankles, while Mr. Gluffwhich reached under the arms. On three, they lifted the limp man in the air and trudged to the servant's staircase on the other end of the kitchen.
The Gluffwhiches carried their employee down the 15 stairs that led to his hallway. Mr. Gluffwhich had to readjust his grip at the bottom. Ready again, they waddled down the basement hallway and backed into the room of the fainted man they held. Once lined up against the bed, they dropped him on the sheets.
Mr. Gluffwhich squatted near the bed and lifted Elbreth's body a bit so that Mrs. Gluffwhich could pull the sheets down from underneath. The sheets now released, she placed them carefully over Elbreth's body and tucket them in a bit at the shoulders. The Gluffwhiches shared a wipe of the brow, another (easier) sigh, and a look. They exited the room holding hands and turned off the light.
Elbreth froze in fear. This was the first dish he'd cooked for his new employers. He'd only been cooking for a year or so, anyway. He was a "Butler". Adding the "/Cook" was a survival thing. Necessary, in this economy.
"Of-of course, Mr. Gluffwhich. Would you like me to c-cook it again, or maybe get some more liver and cook that?"
"Don't be pedantic with me, now, Elbreth. You can't cook something more to make it better unless it's too raw. Which is rare." Mr. Gluffwhich licked his lips.
"What Charles means to say, is please cook some more liver," Mrs. Gluffwhich smiled, "only this time, cook it right."
Elbreth gulped.
"Of, course. Of course. Th-the thing is I-I think, that is, I believe, we are out of, of well, raw liver. Should I perhaps, go? And get some more from the grocers?"
"OUT OF LIVER!?!" Mr. Gluffwhich guffawed. "Preposterous, Elbreth. We. Always. Have liver. In this house!" Mr. Gluffwhich put his hands to the dining table, pushed off to scoot his chair back, and rose to face his servant.
"Of-f-of course. Of course. I th-thought as much, but, of course, I simple don't, foolishly, I I think I know exactly where to find, or, well, where exactly it is. The liver, that is..." Elbreth was dripping like medium-rare steak.
Mrs. Gluffwhich chuckled as her husband began to traipse, step by labored step, towards Elbreth's sweaty body, "Ha-haah-ohh, Elbreth. Don't be coy! I think you know where to find it, you silly man. Charles, here, will show you where you can always find some liver."
Mr. Gluffwhich smiled so wide it closed his eyes. He reached his left hand gingerly to Elbreth's shoulder and motioned to the kitchen with his open right hand. Elbreth started walking, but Gluffwhich stayed calmly behind. They entered the kitchen single-file. Elbreth peeked over his shoulder repeatedly and, each time, the palm would egg him forward. They finally got to the fridge/freezer combo.
"Open the freezer, Elbreth," Mr. Gluffwhich smiled again without eyes. Elbreth pulled on the large freezer drawer until it slid out. The inside was filled with dozens of vaccuum-sealed bags of at least 8 types of organs. They were labeled, grouped, and alphabetized.
"So there's brain, heart, aaand liver - here is it," Mr. Gluffwhich reached in and pulled out the bag with "LIVER" written on it in fat sharpie. "Now, come to the counter on the island over here, Elbreth, and I'll show you how I want you..." he trailed off a bit.
Gulps again. Elbreth was mesmerized by terror, miserable with doubt, nauseous with awkward.
Mr. Gluffwhich led the way now: walking to the kitchen island, sliding open a knife drawer, pulling out a gorgeous Japanese 8" chef's knife with turquoise in the handle, and plopping the frozen bag of liver on the counter.
"How can you see when you're so far away, Elbreth," Mr. Gluffwhich asked without looking back. Elbreth sighed quickly, tiptoed up next to the man with the knife, and said nothing.
Gluffwhich lurched as Elbreth got close, grabbing the wrist of his servant in a vice grip. Elbreth yelped and tried to run. But he had realized the obvious solution too late. He could only squeal and begin to cry as Mr. Gluffwhich shoved him up against the island and pinned him there.
"Now this is quite enough, Elbreth. Cooperate or I'll be done with you. Now grab the bag of liver." Elbreth hesitated. "GRAB IT, you FOOL!"
Elbreth complied with a helpless whimper that quickly became a terrible moan. Mr. Gluffwhich raised the knife to eye-level. The glare reflected off of the blade and into Elbreth's eyes, making him avert his gaze upward. He felt the man swing the knife down to the counter.
"OOOHHhhh..." shouted Elbreth, but soon he stopped. There was no pain. He looked down slightly, shocked, and found Mr. Gluffwhich puzzling at him. He looked farther down at the counter and saw the knife sticking vertically out of the liver. Elbreth felt woozy.
"Honestly, Elbreth, I don't know what's gotten into you. Now, take the knife and slice the liver while it's still frozen. This is how I like it - perfect, even cooking. Now, try to cook it once more - we'll have the liver as a little after-dinner treat - WON'T WE, CAROLINE?!"
"Yes, of course, dear!" Mrs. Gluffwhich bellowed back from the other room. Elbreth was still speechless and looked desperately pale.
"Come now, Elbreth, one simple task. Surely it's not... too much for you?"
Elbreth briefly found his voice, "...nuhh..."
"Perfect, then," Mr. Gluffwhich walked casually back towards the dining room as Elbreth started to wobble and lose consciousness. Elbreth's legs gave out after a second or two and he collapsed on the ground.
"His heart is so weak, darling," Mrs. Gluffwhich was in the doorway to the kitchen where she now met her husband. "I wonder how long he'll last." They sighed together and looked down at the pale form of their butler/cook on the ground. They walked over to him and released their embrace. Mrs. Gluffwhich bent over and grabbed Elbreth's ankles, while Mr. Gluffwhich reached under the arms. On three, they lifted the limp man in the air and trudged to the servant's staircase on the other end of the kitchen.
The Gluffwhiches carried their employee down the 15 stairs that led to his hallway. Mr. Gluffwhich had to readjust his grip at the bottom. Ready again, they waddled down the basement hallway and backed into the room of the fainted man they held. Once lined up against the bed, they dropped him on the sheets.
Mr. Gluffwhich squatted near the bed and lifted Elbreth's body a bit so that Mrs. Gluffwhich could pull the sheets down from underneath. The sheets now released, she placed them carefully over Elbreth's body and tucket them in a bit at the shoulders. The Gluffwhiches shared a wipe of the brow, another (easier) sigh, and a look. They exited the room holding hands and turned off the light.