SAM JARED BONAR
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  • Delicious Democracy
  • Old Odds and Ends
    • Old Stories
    • Drawings
    • Rants
    • Sounds and Spooks
    • Food
    • Wordplay
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SAM JARED BONAR

sam writes

Brad Scraps 4/30/16

7/2/2016

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Brad introduced me to some folks without really letting them know. He just told me who they were:

"Miranda - she's cool but doesn't like to meet new people."
"Ella - she's just cool."
"And... that's John, Melissa, and Sharon. All cool people, meet them if you'd like. I'm gonna keep on rolling, but I'll see you in the mosh pit for King Gizzard later. Right? If you really wanna fly close to the Sun..."

Then he trailed off.

I saw him later. King Gizzard still wasn't playing yet, I think it was Holy Wave who was on then. We said a nice "hi" and danced the shadow dance. Too much cigarette smoke where we were dancing, though, so I smiled at him and whispered "King Gizzard later" and trailed off myself.

When King Gizzard actually came on, the world unzipped. It was madness more than madness. And when I finally zipped myself up enough to get in the bachic mix, there was squirelly Brad crowd-surfing and almost eating shit on the ground. I was part of the crew that stopped his head from hitting the concrete. We hugged when he recognized me and I told him that I'd told him, didn't I! I'd be there - and there I was. He told me that wasn't enough. I had to fly. I had to.

When the jazzy song came on and people stopped pulling on our shirts, I did. I asked the big guy I kept running into for a boost and he boosted me a couple feet in the air, just enough for everyone's hand to grab my shirt again and keep me afloat. I was Icarus. I Beyonce'd my shoulders and grooved my neck. I waded into the pole and reached to climb it. Second try, I grabbed it and climbed up the 10 feet into the little rafters. I swung, but the party was actually better down below, so I climbed down the pole to regain my footing. But Brad wasn't having it. 

He came out of nowhere and had my foot, raising it with all his squirrel might to stay in flight. But I had given up, so the crowd had too. I told him to let me down - I'd had my time. He gave in to my weight and I dropped into the concert again.

"I tried, man," he chided himself.
"It's fine! I got to fly!"

He nodded sadly and disappeared again. I left after the show with Ryan and never saw Brad again. Ryan couldn't believe I made up someone with such a boring name. I couldn't believe it either. I didn't.
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Finally, Some Answers 4/29/16

7/2/2016

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How can we let the fog fade when we're with the ones we love? 
Be a strong breeze.

How do we know if anyone actually cares about the things we spend all our time on? 
Ask them - look 'em in the eyes!

Where do we go when home has no one left?
The beach.

Where are the people who will both appreciate your entertaining traits AND will entertain you?
Brooklyn.

Who is to be trusted with something your afraid to admit to yourself?
Your mom.

Who will appreciate you and actually say it?
Your mom. Oh, and Becca - she's a nice lady.

Why is it so hard to admit you're wrong?
Because you never do it. Work the muscle, you slimy scorpion.

Why does death let its clouds disappear when we dance in each other?
Cause dancing feels good, naked or not.
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Passover Haikucipes 4/28/16

7/2/2016

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For more Haikucipes, check out some Wordplay.

Melt sugar, butter;
Spread over a sheet of matzah;
Bake, spread choc chips, cool.

Cook down cheese, spinach.
Layer with matzah, veggies.
Bake like lasagna.

Pan fry your ferment
then, add rice, soy sauce, miso.
Crack an egg, cook slow.

Ignore the sandwich. 
Yeah, it would've been perfect,
IGNORE THE SANDWICH!

Just munch on carrots.
Goyim friends eat cake - don't be
a dick about it.

Matzah-pizza's nice.
Not as good as real pizza.
Still gives me rough gas.

Late night stomach growl.
Too late to bother cooking.
Hydrate: I'm full now?

What time is sunset?
8? Jesus. Does it start then?
Let's eat at... 7?

​The end is the best!
Burger? Cookie? Burrito?
Maybe just... bagel.
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Great Speaker (NSFW) 4/27/16

7/2/2016

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Trigger Warning - this story is pornographic!

I tremble as she raises her eyebrows at me. Her hands are on my shoulders. Her legs are spread. She's not wet, but my fingers were helping, and my mouth! Ohhh well let's just say I didn't quite know what to do with my tongue.

"You ready?"

​"Yeah, c'mon Rick, just go before I totally dry up."

She's still with me, folks! Ok! Easy now, there it --

"NOT. there! Little higher, Rick..."'

God she's so cute. Just a little higher - how helpful! Ok, just raising myself up, yeah that feels ok. Hmmmm.

"Did I reach the end? Is your pussy that small or my dick that big, ha!" I chuckle

"Uhh, my pussy is that dry. Come back out and then go back in SLOWLY!"

"Right." Slowly? Ok, but if I don't go fast soon I'll soften up. No don't think like that! No I won't. No. I. WON'T. SHE'S SO CUTE!

"Slower!"

"Right." God that seems so wrong, but hm. Wow in I go, but just a little more. Chugga-chugga, little choo-choo.

"Ok, back out again, Rick. Slow. A couple more times before it's all ready for, yeah," God, she's hot as fuhhhh.

"Right." Out again! Easin' on in now. Actually it does feel pretty good prolonged this way. Hm. I never do it by myself like this. It's always just churn and burn. But I feel like I'm picking this up quick!

"Ok, yeah, ok that's better. Yeah, hmmm. Yeah, yeah, ohh, ok."

"How do you like that?" I coo.

"Ok, yeah. I mean, good. Actually, pick it up a little. It's working now so I like it kinda... hard, now?"

I'm ready for this! Sha-POW!

"Ahh-Ah-AhoAhoooh waitwait hold on, Jesus. Ok, harder. But like, still slow. Then pick it up. Ok?"

"Right." I actually don't get it but I'll give it a go. I pull out to the very tip and freeze there like I'm waiting for clearance to dock. I feel kind of silly but she looks the happiest she's been all night, squirming even. Hm. And, now..... IMPACT!

"AWhhohhwow - Oh ok yeah." I slide out again to the edge. "Shit, Rick, that's actually good. Do - " IMPACT! "Ohhh fuckshit me. Now slowwwwly pick that sh - " IMPACT! "Ohhh - it shit. Ohh fuck, damn."

Even I'm saying stuff now without meaning to. Because, it feels like, damn good. I think. For her - I hope - too. She starts swirling her bottom up to meet my impacts and, like, I guess... I guess I can say this only once... but this is the best day of my-ayy-ay-ayy-yii-yii.... OOOh.....MAN!

It's over.

Fuck, she's still horny, keep going!

"Wait, stop stop. Didn't you cum?"

"Yeah, but you didn't." I determine to follow through and IMPACT again! "You deserve it!"

She looks at me weird and puts her hands on my chest to stop me. "Well, that's... sweet, I guess. But you're all flaccid now. It usually takes me more than one time with a guy before I can... either way."

"Right." My hips sink slowly to meet hers.

"Don't be hard on yourself. You were alright. I can work with you... You were a great listener." She actually smiles.

I do, too, of course. "You were a great speaker."


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    ALSO, YOU CAN DOWNLOAD TYKES, MY LITTLE BOOK OF SHORT STORIES, FOR FREE! -- Eight kids' stories for adults who still want to throw temper tantrums, suck on their binkies, and make up curse words.

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