SAM JARED BONAR
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SAM JARED BONAR

sam writes

Unguents 4/20/16

5/13/2016

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Velch eagerly ripped the Amazon box to shreds to access its contents: a selection of top-notch unguents. By God, he finally had them!

Velch's skin was dry and he smelled like B.O. mixed with eczema. He didn't have a shower in his crag-home and the nearby ocean terrified him. All those snorkelers...

But now he finally had the solution to all his problems. Or, at least, a solution to the most pressing problem: nasty hands and smelly skin. He shred the plastic seal off of the first unguent in the box. It was a lavender one that had had a 4.7 star average rating on Amazon when he bought it. It might have a different rating by now, but not by much (it had only been two days, obviously).

He shook himself out of the digression and smiled at what was in his hands. Velch unscrewed the bottle's cap and squirted a sizable glob onto his palm. He clacked the bottle quickly to the floor.

Velch started to moisturize. Ohhh, yeah. That felt niiiice.... He kind of massaged it in as he went up his forearms, biceps, and onto his shoulders. That delicious mixture of lotion and perfume just kept going. It would have been too much of the stuff if he hadn't been trying to cover his whole body. Oh, how he moaned.

Then Velch sat, finally covered in the fresh scent of lavender, and came back to reality for a second. He smelled good now, saved by the magic brown cardboard box again. But one problem (smelling bad) being handled just meant he had to turn his attention to the next one:

Who would smell him?
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