SAM JARED BONAR
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SAM JARED BONAR

sam writes

Yisrael 4/15/16

4/27/2016

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"I'm a religious man, Walda! I'm a god-damn religious man.
I'm not sure what you expected of me, but it's pretty clear now that I can't deliver.
I'm not ashamed, either. Shame is worthless because it is human. Shame from God. Awe. That is true.
And if you cannot accept me, I will accept that but I will not accept it happily! I am a religious man! And I will not be silenced by you - in jest or in shame. I will hold my head high and pray and thank God for sending such a breathtaking test of my devotion. I will thank Him for not letting that waver.
Sure, I may cower in the corner and fight violently with my faith, but I will wrestle. Damn will I wrestle! I will not give in so easily, wander. I must wrestle with God. For you even if you do not care. Even when I lose to Him decisively and embarrassingly, I must do so. I must wrestle in front of all despite their apathy. 
​It is the only thing we were meant to do."
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